Ah the Meltdowns

As parents, when we are blessed with those beautiful bundles of joy, never once do we think that there is such a thing as a meltdown. When that baby is placed in your arms, you think how perfect that child is and you want just to keep them that way forever. However, some of us just are not that lucky. One of the most misunderstood autistic behaviors is the meltdown.

"Meltdowns are terrible, nasty things, but they're a fact of childhood," says Ray Levy, PhD, a Dallas-based clinical psychologist and co-author of Try and Make Me! Simple Strategies That Turn Off the Tantrums and Create Cooperation. "Young kids -- namely those between the ages of 1 and 4 -- haven't developed good coping skills yet. They tend to just lose it instead." And what, exactly, sets them off to begin with? Every single tantrum, Levy says, results from one simple thing: not getting what they want. "For children between 1 and 2, tantrums often stem from trying to communicate a need -- more milk, a diaper change, that toy over there -- but not having the language skills to do it," says Levy. "They get frustrated when you don't respond to what they're 'saying' and throw a fit." For older toddlers, tantrums are more of a power struggle. "By the time kids are 3 or 4, they have grown more autonomous," Levy adds. "They're keenly aware of their needs and desires -- and want to assert them more. If you don't comply? Tantrum city."

Is there a difference between a Tantrum and a Meltdown, in the world of those that live on the spectrum, yes, there is a difference.

A temper tantrum in a child who does not have autism is simple to handle. Parents simply ignore the behavior and refuse to give the child what he or she is demanding. Tantrums usually result when a child makes a request to have or do something that the parent denies. Upon hearing the parent's "no," the tantrum is used as a last-ditch effort.

The qualities of a temper tantrum vary from child to child. When children decide this is the way they are going to handle a given situation, each child's style will dictate how the tantrum appears. Some children will throw themselves on the floor, screaming and kicking. Others will hold their breath, thinking that his "threat" on their life will cause parents to bend.



If the tantrum is straightforward, the meltdown is every known form of manipulation, anger, and loss of control that the child can muster up to demonstrate. The problem is that the loss of control soon overtakes the child. He needs you to recognize this behavior and rein him back in, as he is unable to do so for himself. A child with autism in the middle of a meltdown desperately needs help to gain control.

When your child with Autism launches into a meltdown, remove him from any areas that could harm him or he could harm. Glass shelving and doors may become the target of an angry foot, and avoiding injury is the top priority during a meltdown.

* During a meltdown, a child with autism does not look, nor care, if those around him are reacting to his behavior.
* A child in the middle of a meltdown does not consider his or her own safety.
* A child in a meltdown has no interest or involvement in the social situation.
* Meltdowns will usually continue as though they are moving under their own power and wind down slowly.
* A meltdown conveys the feeling that no one is in control.
* A meltdown usually occurs because a specific want has not been permitted and after that point has been reached, nothing can satisfy the child until the situation is over.

Unlike tantrums, meltdowns can leave even experienced parents at their wit's end, unsure of what to do. When you think of a tantrum, the classic image of a child lying on the floor with kicking feet, swinging arms, and a lot of screaming is probably what comes to mind.

Meltdowns may be preceded by "silent seizures." This is not always the case, so don't panic, but observe your child after she begins experiencing meltdowns. Does the meltdown have a brief period before onset where your child "spaces out"? Does he or she seem like they had a few minutes of time when he or she was totally uninvolved with their environment? If you notice this trend, speak to your physician. This may be the only manifestation of a seizure that you will be aware of.

Another cause of a meltdown can be other health issues. One example is a child who suffers from migraines. A migraine may hit a child suddenly, and the pain is so totally debilitating that his behavior may spiral downward quickly, resulting in a meltdown. Watch for telltale signs such as sensitivity to light, holding the head, and being unusually sensitive to sound. If a child has other health conditions, and having autism does not preclude this possibility, behavior will be affected.

"During a meltdown, your child is literally out of his mind. His emotions take over -- overriding the frontal cortex of the brain, the area that makes decisions and judgments," says Jay Hoecker, MD, a Rochester, Minnesota, pediatrician. "That's why reasoning doesn't help -- the reasoning part of his brain isn't working." Says Alan Kazdin, PhD, author of The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child, "Once you're in a situation where someone's drowning, you can't teach them to swim -- and it's the same with tantrums. There's nothing to do in the moment that will make things better. In fact, almost anything you try will make it worse. Once he chills out, then you can talk."

So what can you do?

How about Create a Diversion

Getting your kid engaged or interested in something else so s/he forgets about the meltdown s/he is just having. "My magic bag(I never say purse) is filled with all sorts of interesting things, like toys, ones my grand kids haven't seen in a while, books, and their favorite snacks,"

I've also found that distraction can help ward off a major meltdown before it happens, if you catch it in time, If your kid or grand kids are about to go off the deep end at the supermarket because you won't buy the super-frosted sugar-bomb cereal, try quickly switching gears and enthusiastically saying something like, "Hey, we need some ice cream. Want to help me pick a flavor?" or "Ooh, check out the lobster tank over there!

The above is a compilation of many articles that I have read and researched over the years, at our house and at my daughters house we do not have temper tantrums. We have full blown 3 - 4 hour meltdowns, they are loud, they are scary, it is a total loss of behavioral control, risky at times, frustrating, exhausting; and they make us cry. Because we can not do anything for our Little Hunter; who for the most part is a very loving caring young boy.